I finally turned my childhood adversity into success
I had a severe childhood trauma. I got over my trauma by mobilizing and utilizing my own inner resources. I believe, you can do it, too.
Today, I am a successful man. I am a father of three amazing kids and the husband of a wonderful woman. I have a happy family. I have a job that I love.I have a happy life.
The painful story of my life:
Some years ago, I could not imagine that I would be there where I am, today. I felt like an ultimate loser. I did not know why I had to live in this world. My childhood nightmare had been haunting me for years.
My childhood trauma affected my adult life I recovered from it . I was diagnosed with severe post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms. I was declared disabled by doctors in Denmark and recommended early pension. I refused to take disable pension because I believed that I had fire inside me and I must ignite that.
The first half of the story of my life is very sad but the second half is very inspiring.
My Childhood nightmare:
I was born in a small city of India and later migrated to Denmark. I had very adverse and painful childhood. I was both emotionally and physically neglected and tortured.
I have a very adverse childhood experience; it has inflicted permanent damage that prompted me to be mentally disabled. I was mobbed and beaten over and over by other boys, but adults did not help me. As an average child, I was born and brought up in a small town of Bangladesh with my appearance becoming my biggest enemy.
At that time, the society was harsh, rude and brutal. Any physical and mental disability was punished cruelly. There was no treatment for mentally disabled people. They were tied up by robes and put under the hot sun. There were also other techniques for tortures that are similar to the present day’s torture cell. Some people believed that this torture would cure mental disorders. Others got evil pleasure and excitement beating those helpless sick people.
I was not born disabled. I was an intelligent boy. My sin was that my body size was different from other boys. I was bigger than others in my age and considered myself a little fat. My arms were long, my legs, too. I had to be punished for that.
There was apparently something wrong with my movement. I used to walk a bit slow and was not good at sports. I was a lousy singer in music class.
I was mobbed and beaten:
Boys used to beat me in classrooms, also outside of school campus. I complained to my teachers. But other boys witnessed that I was lying. Once I came to the classroom a little late and saw a monkey with a long tail drawn on the black blackboard, I got my name.
They said that I was as ugly as a monkey and that’s why they drew my picture.
Once I participated in a student debate. As soon as I tried to say something, all the boys started laughing and loudly mocked me.
Whenever I tried to answer my teacher’s questions, all boys started laughing like a chorus. I left the stage crying and traumatized. I could not speak in front of a broader audience for a very long time. I never harmed anybody. I was neither physically nor mentally disabled. But they made me disabled.
I did not know why everybody found me an easy target for mobbing. Their fun cost me a lot. I did not just lose my childhood, but I have also suffered the aftermath in my entire life.
I was not only tortured by other boys, but also by adults. I was a very sad boy. I could not concentrate on my lessons. Sometimes, I did not get the expected results, and that made me got beaten.
When I was 9, I had an accident. I was shot by one of my cousins. Although everybody said that it was an accident, I still doubted whether it was an accident or a deliberate act.
This bullet hit my left shoulder. I still have difficulty moving my left arm. I did not get sympathy for the incident. Boys mocked me for that too. When I was a young man, I was attracted to a girl. I did not dare to talk to her face to face. I wrote a love letter to her, instead. The girl was furious and told me “Look your own face in the mirror. How peculiar and ugly you are. How dare you write me a love letter?”
My childhood trauma impacts my adulthood:
I already did not dare to approach a girl. After this incident, I did not dare to go close to any girl again. I was good at writing love letters. Some girls fell for me without seeing me. But as soon as they saw me face to face, they ran away from me.
I went to University but did not have much success. I was not bad with books, but as soon as I was to make a presentation in front of several people, I realized I could not. I became nervous, and my body began to shake. I realized I could not do a job even if I finished my study. Any job requires meeting and giving speeches. I wanted to try my luck abroad. I was lucky to be admitted to a business college in Denmark.
I was declared disabled by doctors:
Since I could not overcome my shortcomings, I decided to see a psychotherapist. I was diagnosed with “borderline personality disorder (BPD)” My childhood trauma is the reason for the disorder as the emotional wounds have affected my adulthood. I was diagnosed with clinical depression.
I saw several other therapists who came to the same conclusion that my childhood trauma has contributed to those disorders. They wrote in the medical statement that I have lost 2/3 of my workability. Doctors recommended early pension for me.
I was determined to thrive:
But I was not prepared for giving up so early. I started evaluating myself. I tried to figure out what are my strengths and weakness. I was confident I had creative energy and innovative ideas. My weakness was that I could not present my ideas in front of large audiences.
I knew that I was not good at many things. I was not smart. I was not impressive either. I did not have skills for good social communications.
My biggest problem was my social anxiety. I was afraid to be with many people. I could not fit into a normal working place on a day to day basis. I was unable to participate in a meeting together with other people because of my nervousness.
I was good at a few things. I had great vision, creative energy, and intelligence as well. Most importantly, I had a great analytical skill.
I was convinced that there could be a path to utilize my skills without being employed at a normal working place. It was too early to go on early pension. I did not think that all possibilities were exhausted.
I was determined to thrive:
Doctors strongly recommended antipsychotic drugs for me. They said that medicinal treatment was the only way to improve my syndromes. They did not believe that I could ever recover completely but I can live a much better life if I followed the treatment.
I did take medicines in the beginnings but I soon found out that medicines were not helping me. Instead of any positive effect, those were only contributing side effects.
I stopped taking medication. I started searching for an alternative way of healing from the trauma. My trauma was very deep rooted and was stuck in the brain. It needed a strong motivation to shake things.
I found a group of my old school friends on Facebook. Most of my classmates were very successful in life. Some were specialist doctors, engineers and university professors. Those who had fewer exam characters than me were high ranking officers. It crossed my mind. I was the only one who was stuck in disability while all others were living with dignity and luxury.
I was so sad but at the same time, I felt a strong determination to recover and thrive.
I designed a recovery plan:
The first step: Gaining physical strength
I had always been sad, depressed and confused. Those prompted an unhealthy lifestyle. I was smoking a lot; I used to go to bed very late, I woke up late. I skipped breakfast and ate fast-food at lunch. I was nowhere closed to follow any balanced diet.
I was lazy. I did the very little physical movement. No wonder, I was fat. I was very sad that my potency was not functioning well.
I did not have to ask anybody to figure it out that the first thing I had to take care was my physical health.
A good sexual performance was vital for me. But the constant depression reduced my potency. I wanted a stable relationship. I took several steps to enhance my sexual performance. I believed I could solve many of my problems if I improved my potency.
I quit cigarettes. I tried a lot to quit smoking before but never succeeded. I tried acupuncture, hypnotism, nicotine gums but nothing worked. When I thought that my life was a zero without potency and smoking jeopardized potency, I could quit smoking.
When I quit smoking, it gave a boost in my confidence. I did something that seemed impossible. If I could quit smoking, I could do anything.
I started my mental healing myself:
I spoiled many years without doing right things. Time was running out from my life. I needed time to fulfill my dreams. Without increasing my longevity, I could not do those.
I was able to the strong mindset of healthy living. I started working out regularly as well as performing Yoga. I made a diet plan and strictly followed the plan. Every morning I jogged into the forest near my home.
All my efforts started paying off. The laboratory result showed a remarkable improvement of all blood tests and ECG.
I regained my health without any medicine. That gave me confidence that I also could be mentally healed without medicine.
I searched for some sort of “mental work out” instead of clinical treatment.
My enhanced potency had already boosted my self-confidence. Sexual self-esteem together with my healthy living style made my mental healing much easier.
I was aware that I as a victim of child abuse had a greater risk for much negative health and behavioral outcomes. Even I knew it, I could not control my emotions before. But it seemed to me that I could control emotions.
Healing of trauma:
I contemplated that, I had to trust myself and stopped listening to so many advice. If I kept searching on Google, I would be confused. I had to use my sense instead of listening to people.many
I never believed that I had any chemical imbalance in the brain and medical treatment was needed.
My trauma happened the long time ago. I could not process my emotions in my childhood. Those emotions had stuck in my brain for such long time.
I could not cry when I needed to. I suffered but I could not exclaim with grief. I had to suppress my anger when I was abused.
I started mental work out at my quite room.
My mental exercise:
Let me tell how I used my experience of physical exercise in mental exercise. I found a harmony between physical and mental workout.
My favorite workout was Cross Trainer workout. In the start, I could move my legs only for 5 minutes. I gradually increased the duration of exercise. In the end, I could easily exercise half an hour.
I did things in my own way. I painted a big green circle. I loved the green color. I knew I could concentrate on the green.
I used to sit cross-legged in front of the green circle and gave all my attention on the green color. I imagined, everything is green, there is nothing else in my world.
In the beginning, I could concentrate only for a minute. I did the same process every day. My mental concentration capacity increased day by day.
Feeling the pain to get rid of it:
Before I started physical training, I had stiff muscles in my back and legs. I had arthritis in my hips.
After several months of workout, muscles problems disappeared. However, I had some pain in my hips. My doctor said that I could not eliminate my arthritis but suppress the pain. On some point, I might need an operation but regular workout could delay the operation for many years.
‘I found an analogy between physical and mental workout. I had different types of mental wounds caused by different types of anxieties and emotions. I could not make all of them disappeared. Perhaps wounds would leave some scratch. I listed my emotions as depression, social anxiety, anger, and nightmare.
I did not want to let my abusers win
Those uncontrolled emotions emerged decades ago in my childhood. I did not have a time machine to go back and fix problems. Those had been stuck inside me like sitting in jail.
I had to set my emotions free. It did not matter how those behave. I convinced myself, it was human to have these feelings. I was tortured and abused-it was normal that my emotions were violated.
I found my “old friends” on Facebook. They were having good careers and positions. And I was sitting here with mental disorders. It was not fair.
I developed some kinds of strong “revenge like” motivation. i did not have any “tit for tat” attitude. I just wanted exceed them in achievements.
I had a strong determination to do something significant in life. To accomplish that I got to get over my childhood trauma.
I tried to recollect all painful occurrences one by one. When I became sad, I cried loudly.
When I was angry I expressed it in a closed room.
I cried and I shouted as if happening in the present.
I kept a diary and wrote down about my feelings. I wrote blog posts anonymously. I felt good sharing my feelings.
I continued my physical workout in full swing. I knew that I needed robust health to thrive and compete with my abusers.
I was knocked down on my knees but I have stood up:
My confidence in my sexual confidence helped a lot to date girls. I read scientific sex books. I learned a lot about the female body and their erogenous zones. I learned effective technics of foreplay. I could frankly talk to women.
I became good in bed. I also became romantically involved with a girl who became my wife.
I had always been good at analysis. I became even better. I got some freelance jobs to do the market analysis of some companies.
I completed my Master in human resource management.
Now I work as a business consultant in Denmark. I am known as good in doing the business plan and market analysis. I am earning a handsome amount.
I live a good life with my family.
I also help people who have a difficult life