Path to happiness: How to walk there

Every moment of your days is a pearl. With all pearls, you make a neckless which is your life. Your neckless will be beautiful if each of the pearls is beautiful.

Happiness isn’t just an emotional state but it is much deeper. Scientific research shows, happy people live longer and healthier lives. Happiness is rooted in our cell structure, in our DNA. Our biological profiles largely dominate our happiness but we can better bliss is something we can all do regardless of our environment or genetics. (Happiness research, CNN team My over January 19, 2017)

We all experience pleasure in parties, dancing, music, watching a good movie. Those pleasures are temporary amusements, can hardly manifest permanent happiness. In the USA, people spend about $550 million on self-help books this year and more than $1 billion on motivational speakers (University of Arizona study report, June 2015) There are so many millions of research and studies that have been conducted on happiness that it is little space to add a new opinion.

Still, I have done my own study of happiness as this matter appeals to me. Nevertheless, happiness is the main reason, we are living for.

I have met people with diverse backgrounds, different ages, different family situations, and geographical origins. I have worked as an interpreter for people who were sad and depressed. I also worked among distressed refugees. I have done my own observation and tested different theories of happiness.

I have carefully read different scholar opinions. I don’t necessarily agree with all theories. Psychology professors Lykken and Tellegen argue  “trying to be happier is like trying to be taller.”

We each have a “happiness set point,” they say, and move away from it only slightly. (Happiness: Its Nature and Nurture by Dr. David Lykken) Many scientific believes that the level of happiness that we can achieve is preset by gene and DNA.

I am not pessimistic toward happiness. I have experienced the development of own life. I could be happier despite circumstances were not happiness friendly.

I have helped other people, too. I know, we can’t help a pathological depressed person. It is not possible to help a clinically depressed person by verbal therapy. Those people need medical help.

My study and observations show that we can be happier by changing our attitudes and give some unconventional thoughts about happiness.

What makes us unhappy:

To be happy or happier, you need to know what make you unhappy. You are unhappy not because you have real reason to be unhappy. You are unhappy because you think that other people are happier than you.

You compare yourself with others and you somehow are convinced that others are doing better than you. You feel that others have more and you are unable to compete. These are not always the right attitudes but it is stuck in the brain.

This comparing tendencies and jealousy are quite human, you have nothing to be ashamed about. But don’t let them subdue you.

You notice the fabulous lives of your friends on Facebook. They are going to parties, traveling to exotic places, eating at an excellent restaurant and having intimate relations with families. You become sad feel remorse. You can’t the things what others can.

Even before inventing technical social networks, people used to use mouth to mouth social networks. These kinds of jealousy sometimes contribute to revenge like actions, even self-destruction.

There are countless opinions and philosophies whether and how we can be happy. I will not try to derive a conclusion from what others think. I have extracted ideas from my own experience.

I think that we have some sort of inferiority complex because we always find the lives of others are better than ours.

I do not seek philosophy hear nor I go deeper in physiology. I am just trying to see real life.

If you a reasonable home, a car and a  good family life, you should be happy.  But trouble starts when your neighbor has got a bigger car than yours.

Jealousy and greed are human nature. These natures make life dynamic in many ways but the negative byproduct is unhappiness. Your neighbor also has a bigger competitor who has an even bigger car.

You do not just compare yourself with your neighbors you do also with idols celebrities. When your celebrities cheer in the crowd, thousands of fans stand in lines for autographs, you try to imagine yourself in their places.

You sadly watch that celebrities travel in their private jet and are surrounded by beautiful girls.

Most of the people are able to run their lives one way or the other. People in t have resources to fulfill their basic needs. Poverty is disappearing from the world but sadness is not.

Of course, people can be unhappy due to a chemical imbalance in their brain or because of physical limitations. But the core reason for unhappiness is other people who have got more.

How can we get rid of unhappiness?

How can we be happy?

When we know the reason for happiness, it is easier to find happiness. I do not any miracle medicine for happiness.

Everything that happens every day can make you happy:

If we set a very high target and put many conditions for being happy, we would hardly achieve happiness.

Every single day is part of life. All moments count. We have opportunities to be happy or not to be. Our life is a necklace consisting of many pearls. Each day is a pearl. Each pearl must be beautiful. Then the necklace will be beautiful.

I agree with Sharon Drapers quote “It’s the little things that make happy moments, not the grand events. Joy comes in sips, not gulps.” If our expectations are very and wait for something big happen to make us, we will be disappointed.

We have grab opportunities in our daily life. We have fun in our eating, reading playing with children. If you concentrate, you learn to have satisfaction from ordinary things.

Before I learned to be happy, I used to eat only for need, the same I did for other necessities. I tried to see positive elements in all activities. I started to enjoy the things I do.

You may never have a gigantic event in our life. Do you really need that? Think that we blessed to have those. Don’t be so critical about things.

You have got children, get divine pleasure hugging them. Play with them, have fun with them. You don’t have to wait for a grand birthday party to give your wife a gift. Just give her a flower every day.

Expect low, don’t neglect tiny pleasures, try to be easily satisfied, don’t complain much, don’t think a wonderful day will bring great happiness- you are happy every day

Design your own life:

If you do not have enough home space, then you can design some clever way make more functional and decorative. You have given limited resources both in material and abstract form.  You will not become bigger. Your resources may not be bigger either.

But this not any frustrating, you can utilize all that you have got. When you have a tiny home, you need to use every inch to make it cozy. In your daily life, you can always find an affordable alternative.

There is no need to buy expensive food, you can get same or better food value in cheaper food. You do not need to buy gorgeous clothes, you better build body.

You will look much better in a simple dress when you have got a pretty body. If you can’t afford to go to fitness center, just run in the forest. You will be fine. If you cannot afford to in an excellent restaurant, go with your family to a beach or a forest and eat homemade food. That is more fun and natural.

I have given some examples of using given resources to be happy. This model is useful but not applicable to extremely poor and disabled people.

Lower your expectation:

When we were children, we used to write an essay on “Aim in life”. All students have a very high aim in life. The aim is the expectation. Some children wanted to be president, some at least wanted to be a minister. Some wanted to play better than Pele.

Those expectations stay in the subconscious mind. These lofty expectations often fail and cause frustration. If you want to achieve something big, you will be always worried and have tension and stress.

There are very few in this world can meet their expectations. They raise their expectations when they get there. Our whole life spoils chasing our dreams. People become happy when they reach their destinations. How can they be happy if they never reach their destinations? If we want to achieve a lot, that will lead to misery.

We don’t have to be pessimistic. We must have balanced and lower expectations. Then destiny will be achievable.

I have helped many unhappy people who even gave up hope to be happy. I used my model for myself and for others and both helped

 

Obaidul Karim Khan

Own a small Danish company. A market researcher by profession, write with passion, help people as a volunteer. I am the founder and writer of this blog Contact email: info@be-happy.info

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