Investigating the core of happiness: My observation based approach
Happiness isn’t just an emotional state but it is much deeper. Scientific research shows, happy people live longer and healthier lives.Happiness is rooted in our cell structure, in our DNA. Our biological profiles largely dominate our happiness but we can better bliss is something we can all do regardless of our environment or genetics. (Happiness research, CNN team My overJanuary 19, 2017)
We all experience pleasure in parties, dancing, music, watching a good movie. Those pleasures are temporary amusements, can hardly manifest a permanent happiness.Along in USA people spend about $550 million on self-help books this year and more than $1 billion on motivational speakers (University of Arizona study report, June 2015) There are so many millions of research and studies have been conducted on happiness that is little space to add new opinion.
Still, I have done my own study of happiness as this appeals to me. Nevertheless, happiness is the main reason, we are living for. I have met people with diverse backgrounds, different ages, different family situations and geographical origins. I have worked as interpreter for depressed people, I also among distressed refugees. I have done my own observation and tested different theories of happiness.
I have carefully read different scholar opinions. I don’t necessarily agree with all theories. Prominent psychology professor states that “trying to be happier is like trying to be taller.” We each have a “happiness set point,” he argues, and move away from it only slightly. (Happiness: Its Nature and Nurture by Dr. David Lykken) Many scientific believes that level of happiness that we can achieve is preset by gene and DNA.
I am not the one who support the negative attitudes toward happiness. I have experienced development of own life. I could be happier despite circumstances were not happiness friendly. I have helped other people, too. I know, we can’t help a pathological unhappy people happy neither can we help a clinical depressed person by verbal therapy. Those people need medical help.
My study and observations show that we can be happier by changing our attitudes and give some unconventional thoughts happiness.
What make us unhappy:
To be happy or happier, you need to know what make you unhappy. You are unhappy not because you have real reason to be unhappy. You are unhappy because you think that others are happier than you.
You compare yourself with others and you somehow are convinced that others are doing better. You feel that others have more and you are unable to compete. These are not always right attitudes but it happen.
This comparing tendencies and jealousy are quite human, you have nothing to be shamed about. But don’t let them to subdue you.
You are noticing apparently fabulous lives of your friends on Facebook. They are going to parties, travelling to exotic places, eating at excellent restaurant and having intimate relations with families. You become sad feel remorse. You can’t the things what others can.
Even before inventing technical social networks, people used to use mouth to mouth social networks. These kinds of jealousy sometimes create revenge like actions, even self-destructions.
There are countless opinions and philosophies whether and how we can be happy. I will not try to derive conclusion from what others think. I have extracted primary data from my own experience.
My conviction is that inferiority complexity and unfounded ideas about others are leading to unhappiness. I do not seek philosophy hear nor I go deeper in physiology. I am just trying to see real life.
If you a reasonable home, a car and quiet family, should be happy. But trouble starts when your neighbor has got a bigger car.
It is human to have competition and jealousy. Those nature make life dynamic in many ways but negative byproduct is unhappiness. Your neighbor also has bigger competitor who has even bigger car.
You do not just compare yourself with your neighbors you do also with idols celebrities. When your celebrities cheer in the crowd, thousands of fans stand in lines for autographs, you try to imagine in their places. You feel remorse when celebrities travel in their private jet and are surrounded by beautiful girls.
Most of the people can run their lives one way or the other. All the people in the western world have resources to fulfill their basic needs. Poverty is disappearing from the world but sadness is not.
Of course, people can be unhappy due to chemical imbalance in their brain or because physical limitations. But the core reason to unhappiness is other people who have got more.
How can we get rid of unhappiness?
How can we be happy?
When we know the reason of happiness, it is easier to find of happiness. I do not any miracle medicine for happiness.
Everything that happens every day can make you happy:
If we target very high, put many conditions for being happy, we would hardly achieve happiness. Our life is here in our day to day life. These are our moments every day. We have opportunities to be happy or not to be. Our life is a necklace consisting of pearls. Each day is a pearl. Each pearl must be beautiful.
I agree with Sharon Drapers quote “It’s the little things that make happy moments, not the grand events. Joy comes in sips, not gulps.” If our expectations are very and wait for something big happen to make us, we will be disappointed.
We have grab opportunities in our daily life. We have find fun in our eating, reading playing with children. If you concentrate, you learn to have satisfaction from ordinary things. Before I learned to be happy, I used to eat only for need, the same I did for other necessities. I tried to see positive elements in all activities. I started to enjoy the things I do. You may never have a gigantic event in our life. Do you really need that? Think that we blessed to have those. Don’t be so critical about things.
You have got children, get divine pleasure hugging them. Play with them, have fun with them. You don’t have to wait for a grand birth day party to give your wife a gift. Just give her a flower every day.
Expect low, don’t neglect tiny pleasures, try to be easily satisfied, don’t complain much, don’t think a wonderful day will bring great happiness- you are happy every day
Design your own life:
If you do not have enough home space, then you can design some clever way make more functional and decorative. You have given limited resources both in material and abstract form. Your size is the way it is. You will not become bigger. Your resources may not be bigger either.
But this not any frustrating, you can utilize all that you have got. When you have a tiny home, you need to use every inch to make it cozy. In your daily life, you can always find affordable alternative.
There is no need to buy expensive food, you can get same or better food value in cheaper food. You do not need to buy gorgeous cloths, you better build body. You will look much better in simple dress when you have got a pretty body. If you can’t afford going to fitness center, just run, jog. You will be fine. If you cannot afford to in an excellent restaurant, go with your family to a beach or a forest and eat homemade food. That is more fun and natural.
I have given some examples of using given resources to be happy. This model is useful but not applicable to extreme poor and disabled people.
Lower your expectation:
When we were children, we used to write essay on “Aim in life”. All students have very high aim in life. Aim is expectation. Some children wanted to be president, some at least wanted to be minister. Some wanted to play better than Pele.
Those expectations stay in subconscious mind. These lofty expectations often fail and cause frustration. If you want to achieve something big, you will be always worry, tension and stress.
There are very few in this world can meet their expectations. They raise their expectations when they get there. Our whole life spoils chasing our dreams. People become happy when they reach their destinations. How can they be happy if they never reach their destinations? If we want to achieve a lot, that will lead to misery.
We don’t have to be pessimistic. We must have balanced and lower expectations. Then destiny will be achievable.
I have helped many unhappy people who even gave up hope to be happy. I used my model for myself and for others and both helped