The way I have become stronger
As a child, I was ugly, weak, isolated and defenseless which made me an ideal target for bullies. Other children enjoyed bullying me but their fun was the deadly pain for me.
Childre are not awlays angels. Other children wounded me both physically and mentally. The childhood trauma affected me as adult.
I was miserable all my life but finally, I got over my trauma.I did not use any medication. I become cured by the combination of
I suffered from severe childhood trauma. As a child, I was not abused by an adult. My classmate children brutally bullied me. They bullied me so harshly that it seemed that they did not have empathy.
I was more prominent in size than other children. I was slower in movement. Probably, something was wrong with my appearance. Other children chose me as a target of bullying because I was isolated, helpless and weaker.
I grew up as an adult with a weak mind. My childhood trauma inflicted my entire adult life.
I had been depressed, afraid, anxious and sad. More importantly, I was suffering from social anxiety. All these made me lonely and miserable.
Some years ago, I was motivated to be strong. Motivation came by chance. I found some of my old “friends” who bullied me on Facebook. They were prosperous in life. It crossed my mind. I was a victim and those who made me victim are doing good. And, I am still bleeding. It was unfair. I wanted too much to be a distinguished person.
Both my physical and mental health was not good. I was living an unhealthy life. I was smoking a lot, drinking only soda and eating junk food.
I gave up smoking and started eating healthy food. I worked out almost every day. After some months, I started feeling better. I was physically fit and active.
I improved my health without medications. I gave up cigarettes which I never thought in my wildest dream that I could. That gave me a boost in self-confidence. I believed that I could be mentally strong without medications.
I used yoga and prayer to bring peace in my mind. I read some research papers on how yoga could help people to get over the severe trauma. I practiced some yoga programs like regulated breathing, controlled movement, and mindfulness practices could benefit victims of trauma.
I also read, the mind-body connection helped to find a way toward healing. Addressing the psychosomatic impact of trauma through yoga was useful.
I decided to trust myself. I did not listen to other people much. I concentrated on finding the right path for me.
My trauma happened a long time ago. I could not process my emotions in my childhood. Those emotions had stuck in my brain for such a long time.
I could not cry when I needed to. I suffered, but I could not exclaim with grief. I had to suppress my anger when I was abused.
I had to deal with those emotions for many years after it happened. It was a challenging job, but I was full of confidence.
I decided to take inspiration from yoga and customize the program that fit me best.
My mental exercise:
Whenever I was entirely in the dark, I prayed. It helped. I did not have anyone to share my feelings with. I tried to talk to God. I did not have a firm belief in God. Still, it helped when I prayed.
I started praying regularly. I got a fantastic result. I was peaceful in mind.
In my town, there was not any yoga teacher. I read about different yoga programs and practiced “the breathing techniques.”
I applied my experience of physical exercise to mental exercise. I found harmony between physical and mental workout.
My favorite workout was Cross Trainer workout. In the start, I could move my legs only for 5 minutes. I gradually increased the duration of exercise. In the end, I could easily exercise for half an hour.
I started the process to enhance my concentration ability; I hang a significant green circular textile on the wall. I loved the green color. I used to sit cross-legged in front of the green circle and gave all my attention on the green color. I focused on the green circle and imagined; there is nothing else in my world
In the beginning, I could concentrate only for a minute. I did the same process every day. My mental concentration capacity increased day by day
Getting rid of mental pain:
Before I started physical training, I had stiff muscles in my back and legs. I had arthritis in my hips. I did not have stamina. I could not run even for five minutes. After regular exercise, my pains disappeared. I could run for more than half an hour.
I was certain that mental workout would give the same functional effect as the physical exercise. I had different types of psychological wounds caused by different kinds of anxieties and emotions. I could not make all of them disappeared. Perhaps injuries would leave some scratch. I listed my feelings like depression, social anxiety, anger, and nightmare.
Those uncontrolled emotions emerged decades ago in my childhood. I did not have a time machine to go back and fix problems. Those had been stuck inside me like staying in jail.
I had to set my emotions free. It did not matter how those behave. I convinced myself, it was human to have these feelings. I was tortured, and abused-it was normal that my emotions were violated.
I found some of my “old friends” who bullied me as a child on Facebook. They had good careers and positions. And I was sitting here with mental disorders. It was not fair.
I developed some kinds of strong “revenge like” motivation. I wanted to exceed them in achievements.
I had a strong determination to do something significant in life. To accomplish that I got to get over my childhood trauma.
I tried to recollect all painful occurrences one by one. When I became sad, I cried loudly.
When I was angry, I expressed it in a closed room.
I cried, and I shouted as if happening in the present.
I kept a diary and wrote down about my feelings. I wrote blog posts anonymously. I felt good sharing my feelings.
I continued my physical workout in full swing.
I have succeeded to achieve both strong body and mind
After I became a healthy person, it was easier to have a career and a family. I have both. I am now mentally strong.